Dumping Your Girlfriend

At some point in your life, you’ll be faced with the challenge of breaking up with someone. This isn’t always an easy experience to deal with, especially if you know what it’s like to be broken up with. The first thing you’ll do before you initiate the breakup is ask your friends “What should I say?” or “How should I do it?”. That’s what I’m writing this post for. To give you some type of guideline in order to “put her down” easy, and to make the breakup as easy as possible for you by giving you an outline for your dumping speech.

First off, I want to let you know now that there’s no easy way out. You can only try to prevent things from getting blown out of proportion and try to break it to her as easy as possible. You don’t want to be stuck in a relationship you don’t want to be in because you feel guilty about hurting someone you care about. If you’re ready to take the next step then know there are a few rules you should follow when breaking up with someone…

  1. Do it in person. If you don’t, you’re just being a coward. If she’s someone you truly cared about, than you should have the decency to give her a proper breakup speech in person. Text, phone call, and emails are not in person!
  2. Do not broadcast it. Don’t be the a-hole who decides to breakup with his girlfriend over the radio. Also, don’t breakup with her in front of a large group of people. Chances are she’s going to be upset, so breakup with her when you’re alone.
  3. Honesty is the best policy. If you tell her what’s the real reason, it’ll be a lot easier on her. Lying will only make the situation worse. If you lie, it’ll bite you in the ass when she tells everyone you’ve ever met how much of a dishonest SOB you are. If you’re truthful, she can’t use anything against you and it’ll make her understand your view better.

Now for the “Dump Speech”. Initiating a breakup is tough, so you’ll want to be as prepared as possible. You want to deliver the message effectively in order to minimize the pain, without backtracking. It has to be clear that you want to breakup and not “take a break” and you don’t want to have to repeat yourself. You want the speech to be quick and precise. Improvising whatever BS you can think of on the spot will only make her unsure of what is happening. You also don’t want her to tell all of her friends and any other girl you may see yourself with in the future what an a jerk you are, so you have to prepare a speech that will almost make her forgive you. You’ll want to ask yourself the following questions in order to perfect your breakup speech…

  • Name of the person you’re breaking up with?
  • How she will feel?
  • Description of your current relationship?
  • How do you feel?
  • What are you’re feelings towards her?
  • Why she deserves better?
  • How long you’ve been feeling this way?
  • Why you didn’t breakup with her before this?
  • Repeat: What does she deserve?
  • Why she deserves this? (Your feelings of “regret”)
  • Blame yourself.
  • Real reasons why you’re breaking up with her? (List)
  • Repeat: Blame yourself again.
  • Repeat: Description of your current relationship? (OVER)


Theresa, I know this is going to be hard for you to understand at first but our relationship isn’t working out. I can’t continue like this. I think you’re the most amazing girl I’ve ever met and I think you deserve someone better than me. I’ve been feeling this way for a while now, but I thought with time things would work themselves out. You deserve to find someone who will treat you better, and not hurt you like I am. I blame myself for this. I just feel like I don’t love you anymore. It’s not your fault. It’s mine. I’ll always think you’re amazing but it’s over.


And there you have it! You’ve officially broken up with your girlfriend. Chances are she will try to fight it but she will realize it’s over within a few minutes. You came, you saw, and you conquered. You’re a free man and the weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.


2 Responses to Dumping Your Girlfriend

  1. drew peacock says:

    I prefer to take the girlfriend out in the country. Go totally remote. Slow down to like, twenty miles another, and kick her sorry ass out. Done. No problems.

    Montgomery triangle is awesome!!

  2. emma says:

    Thats pretty harsh drew, .. Maybe you should be more gentle. But america gowing down, like a little biyattch. Nobama sucks

    And as.always: montgomery js.awesome!!

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